Welcome back to The Short Game - our irreverent, and downright libellous, look at the week in golf. This week: white sticks, Jack's tips and a fat man on the rampage.

VILLEGAS STORMS TO HONDA CLASSIC: "How does it feel to be second best? "  one fan asked. Someone has to be while the Tiger is away.

SERIAL SHAGGER'S SEVERAL CELLS: Mark Calcavecchia says Tiger changed his cell at least five times last year. Now it all makes sense...

TIGER TURNS PADDY DOWN: Irish bookmakers Paddy Power offer Tiger $75 million sponsorship offer , Woods turns it down.

(GASTRIC) BAND ON THE RUN: Former-fatty John Daly rampages on Twitter, calls his followers to arms over publishing of his PGA-tour transgressions (word of the year, that). The Tweets were removed quickly, but we got them anyway .

JACK TIPS TIGER FOR MASTERS: Golf's best ever player tips its best ever ____ to return in time for the US Masters . Please let this be true - we need something to write about!

TIGER'S CADDIE DENIES ALL KNOWLEDGE: At least if Tiger breaks all his clubs, he can borrow Steve Williams' white stick , eh?

JIM NANTZ SAYS TIGER ISN'T BIGGER THAN GAME: Game says "Who the f**k is Jim nantz?". Story.