Golfers do almost as much talking as they do walking. But it's not all sex-addiction and swearing, oh no. Check out our top golf quotes.

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~ Sam Snead


A hungry dog hunts best.
~ Lee Trevino


You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen..
~ Lee Trevino


I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett


Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that..
~ Jim Murray


The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle


Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~ Kevin Costner


I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez


After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye..
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez


The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis


Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino


My favourite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson


Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny


There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan


Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus


The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells


I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham


If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope


While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henry Youngman


If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon


You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
~ Lee Trevino


I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino

Pressure is playing for ten dollars with only three dollars in your pocket.
-Lee Trevino.

Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.
- Henry Beard and Roy McKie

A golf ball can stop in the fairway, rough, woods, bunker or lake. With five equally likely options, very few balls choose the fairway.
- Jim Bishop

When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez

The difference between a sand trap and water hazard is the difference between a car crash and an airplane crash. You have a chance of recovering from a car crash.
- Bobby Jones

I’m gambling that when we get into the next life, Saint Peter will look at us and ask, 'Golfer?' And when we nod, he will step aside and say, 'Go right in; you’ve suffered enough.' One warning, if you do go in and the first thing you see is a par 3 surrounded by water, it ain’t heaven.
- Jim Murray

The hardest shot in golf is a mashie at 90 yards from the green, where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandtrap, hits a stone, bounces on the green and then rolls into the cup. That shot is so difficult I have made it only once.
- Zeppo Marx

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.
- Buddy Hackett

If your adversary is badly bunkered, there is no rule against your standing over him and counting his strokes aloud, with increasing gusto as their number mounts up; but it will be a wise precaution to arm yourself with the niblick before doing so, so as to meet him on
equal terms.
- Horace Hutchinson

Too much ambition is a bad thing to have in a bunker.
- Bobby Jones

Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.
~ Dave Marr

My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.
~ Ben Crenshaw

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
~ Bob Hope

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
~ Bruce Lansky

The golf swing is like sex: you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you're doing it.
~ Dave Hill

Golf is the hardest game in the world to play and the easiest to cheat at.
~ Dave Hill

As far as swing and techniques are concerned, I don't know diddly squat. When I'm playing well, I don't even take aim.
~ Fred Couples

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~ Jim Bishop 

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