Funny Golf Quotes

Published 26/07/2008 18:11:58

Looking for famous golf quotes to send another crappy forward to your friends? Or maybe you're an article writer looking to rip off some golf quotes? We've got all bases covered with our quotes on golf. Read on, brothers.


"All my exes wear Rolexes." - John Daly


"I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein." - John Daly


"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps" - Tiger Woods


“Green and black go well together, don't they?” - Tiger Woods


"Golf is a good walk spoiled." - Mark Twain


"In golf, the customs and etiquette and decorum are as important as the rules of play." - Bobby Jones


"I never learned anything from a match that I won." - Bobby Jones


"Nobody ever remembers who finished second at anything." - Jack Nicklaus


"The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan


"Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot." - Sam Snead


"Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at." - Dave Hill


"There is no such thing as a natural touch. touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls." - Lee Trevino


"Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty." - Harry Vardon


"Hit the shot you know you can hit, not the one you think you should." - Dr. Bob Rotella


"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well." - Craig Stadler


"You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them." - Jimmy Demaret


"Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do." - Bruce Crampton


"I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." - Bruce Lansky


"Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds." - Henry Cotton


"No matter how good you get you can always get better and that's the exciting part" - Tiger Woods


"I don't think I've ever stepped into a gym - they won't let me smoke there. I just thank God Miller Lite isn't as fattening as most beers. If I cut back on beer, though, I'd look anorexic." - John Daly


"My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him." - Nick Faldo, talking about John Daly


"The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death." - Howard Keel


"Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at it" - Jimmy Demaret


"When it's breezy, hit it easy." - Davis Love, Jr.


"Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green?" - Anonymous


"Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five." - Paul Harvey


"One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good." - George Archer


"It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling." + Mark Twain 


"The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie."
- George Deukmejian 


"Golf is a fascinating game.It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it." - Ted Ray


"Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad." - A.A. Milne


1.  some cracking quotes in there - love the site

comment by Fat Golfer - 22/06/2009 11:19

2.  some funny golf quotes there!

comment by Bald Manager School of Hate - 08/07/2012 10:20

3.  John Daly is a cracking fella. Some of his quotes are hilarious like!

comment by Bobby le Spam, Liverpool - 08/07/2012 10:24

4.  What did the golfer say to the fish?

Look who's putting now!

comment by Alex Wooldford - 03/08/2012 15:24

5.  how do you tell a golfer and a social worker apart?

comment by Ben Hatton - 05/09/2013 20:41

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